LIVING IN ABUNDANCE
Facing Stress on the Mission Field
A pastor of ours once said, “Until the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change, we will stay the same.” This saying applies very well to making effective, sustainable life changes to prevent, overcome and manage stress! Researchers estimate that over 80% of physical and mental illness is caused by stress. As missionaries we know self-care is important but it often takes a crisis point to bring about major lifestyle changes!
A pastor of ours once said, “Until the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change, we will stay the same.” This saying applies very well to making effective, sustainable life changes to prevent, overcome and manage stress! Researchers estimate that over 80% of physical and mental illness is caused by stress. As missionaries we know self-care is important but it often takes a crisis point to bring about major lifestyle changes!
Over the past 6 months my body has shown physical signs of cumulative stress like never before: sleepless nights, the feeling of fire in my veins and needles in my face, rapid heartbeats, difficulty breathing deeply, and intense shoulder tension and headaches. During the day functioning was difficult. At night I would lie in bed with my spirit and mind at peace, but with the feeling of electricity running through my body. I think this must be what the saying, “My nerves are shot” means!
I have come to recognize that in our first 5 years of transitioning into missions the amount of cumulative stress impacting me has been enormous. During those years we completed the GTN training track, I sustained a major knee injury involving surgery and intense rehab, and we sold everything and moved to Thailand. Three months later my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer so our family of three made an emergency trip back to the States for a month. Upon our return to Thailand our daughter Grace was placed in our care, beginning a long adoption process. Seven months later my dad passed away and I travelled back alone since our daughter could not leave the country. The adoption process stretched to more than 3 years involving much uncertainty and stress. All of this took place in our first years of living overseas in full-time ministry, language learning and being exposed to the traumas of trafficking survivors. A friend here once commented to me, “Wow, Jen, you’ve lived a lot of life in these few years!”
Last year was a breakthrough year—Grace’s adoption was finalized in Thailand and we were able to travel to the U.S. together. What a wonderful gift! We returned to Thailand feeling almost strange that the burden of the unknown was lifted. Then my body started crying out! First, intense knee pain, then a mysterious neck injury and all of a sudden here I am with a myriad of stress symptoms, finding it hard to function! Cumulative stress can be sneaky like that—many times we feel the effects of it after we’ve actually come out of the major stressors. I am currently walking through the journey of recovering, making lifestyle and diet changes, finding helpful supplements and in general learning to give greater value to this temple that God has entrusted to me—body, soul and spirit. I’ve often thought of a line in an email Sandra Kuehn sent during our first week in Thailand, “Jen, remember, this is a marathon, not a sprint.” I think I’m starting to get it!
I share my story as an encouragement to not wait until a health crisis or burnout forces us to make changes. We need to steward our temples well now so we can run fully the race God has set before us. Here are a few tools I am learning to use in my healing journey which are helpful in prevention, management or recovery from stress on the mission field:
First, keep things in their proper order, returning regularly to the position of accepted, much-loved child. I am first a daughter. I try to start each day experiencing this truth anew, picturing myself sitting on Father’s lap. In their book, The Cycle of Grace, Trevor Hudson and Jerry Haas write about Jesus’ life model, how he lived in a balance of input and output of grace. They talk about a four-step cycle:
In the first input of grace Jesus started from a place of acceptance by his Father, who spoke over him at his baptism even before he started any formal ministry, “This is my son, whom I love; in whom I am well-pleased.” Matt. 3:17. I so appreciate Craig Kuehn’s teachings on sonship—emphasizing the importance of living daily from a place of knowing whose we are and who we are.
The second input of grace is sustenance. Jesus’ life included many practices that were sources of strength to him: time spent in solitude and silence, withdrawing from others to pray; time spent with close friends, attending parties and having fun; in the synagogue He engaged in community worship and he immersed himself in scripture. Jesus spent time in nature, enjoying the lake and gardens and doing much walking. He spent time with children, and he slept, even in unusual places such as a sinking boat. These sustaining practices kept Jesus closely in touch with his Father’s heart, sensing how he could join in his work.
The third and fourth movements of the cycle of grace are points of output. The third is significance, the grace we minister to others through unique ways that we reflect Jesus through personalities, giftings, and callings. Finally, the fourth movement is fruitfulness or achievements. We join with the Father in the work he is doing, just as Jesus did. This grace flows out of us in healthy ways when we are secure in acceptance and our daily habits bring sustenance to our lives.
This seems simple, but the challenge comes when we live in the reverse cycle of works instead of the cycle of grace. We try to achieve to gain a sense of significance, hoping this will sustain us and bring acceptance. This concept was originally developed by psychiatrist Frank Lake and theologian Emil Brunner while observing missionaries in India who were burning out quickly. When under stress the missionaries often lived according to a cycle of works rather than Jesus’ cycle of grace. A mentor once shared a helpful visual with me saying, “Jen, look at the palms of your hands. There are no nail holes there. You’re not meant to be anyone’s savior.” As ones who carry God’s heart for the lost and hurting we are susceptible to the negative effects of carrying burdens that are not ours to carry. We must daily lay these burdens at Jesus’ feet, trusting him to be the Savior. As we return to our position of much-loved child, engage in sustaining life practices with our significance rooted in our identity in him, then we can hear what Jesus would have us do.
Secondly, we must give greater importance to the fact that we are holistic people made of body, soul and spirit, created for significant relationships. If one part of me is weak or out of balance, all of me will be affected. We need to be aware and self-evaluate. What in my life is creating stress? How can I tell when stress has built up? What symptoms do I have? What do I do when I’m stressed? Who is a trusted person I can share with? On a scale of 1-10 how well do I handle stress in my life? Awareness prepares us to make a plan for change.
Thirdly, we must make a practical plan and work our plan! In John Ortberg’s book, Soul Keeping he quotes Dallas Willard saying, “Hurry is the great enemy of spiritual life in our day. You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.” Ortberg further distinguishes between a busy life and a hurried life. We can be busy (an outward condition of a full, physically demanding schedule) … without being hurried (an inner condition of rushing from one thing to the next, being preoccupied, unable to be fully present, and drained). This resonated deeply with me and motivated me to make a plan to un-hurry my life!
I have created a self-care plan by prayerfully answering four questions with practical and specific routines I’m committed to doing daily, weekly or monthly. I’ve written mine as a simple 1-page chart that I keep in my Bible so I can review it regularly. I have also asked a friend to help me stay accountable. Here are the questions with some ideas to help you consider what might work for you.
Physical: What makes my body feel strong? Regular exercise is one of the single most effective stress management tools. Other ideas include getting 7-9 hours of sleep, drinking plenty of water, eating a healthy diet, laughing a lot, using relaxation techniques (breathing deeply, stretching), massages, a hot soak, and limiting caffeine and sugar.
Spiritual: What makes me feel alive, joyful and connected to God? Pay attention to where and when you experience deep connection to God: walking in nature, muting your cell phone during times of prayer, worship and Bible reading, spending time alone, corporate worship, prayer and sharing with a friend, and listening to God’s word in the car. What distracts you from your connection to God?
Emotional/Relational: What helps me express myself and feel connected to others? Interpersonal relationships, time away (stepping back from work/stressors) and storytelling are three important practices. Invest time in nurturing relationships, keep in contact with friends and family, go on “dates” with loved ones, enjoy creative activities, music, books, movies, hobbies, journaling and sharing experiences with others. Social support is a top protective factor against the adverse effects of stress.
Mental/Learning: What frees me from stressful thoughts and helps me grow? Identify behaviors that stimulate stressful thought and interfere with sleep. Set boundaries! Meditate on truth, practice gratitude, try repetitive activities like drawing, cooking, walking, sewing, reading, learning a new skill or teaching a skill you enjoy to children!
I’d encourage you to take the challenge to make your own plan and put it into action! Be specific in the things you will do and remember that what works for a friend might not work for you. Try a plan, evaluate and make changes if it doesn’t work. In addition to daily practices it’s been important for our family to develop seasonal and yearly rhythms. Vacations, scheduling time off before or after busy ministry trips, and taking time for personal, family and ministry evaluation and goal-setting have been helpful.
I share these insights from personal experiences of walking a humbling journey to a place of greater self-awareness and stress management. I certainly have not arrived, but I see God’s grace in the process and his gentle invitation for me to invite him into the pain of the process. He has created us as holistic beings and we honor him when we pursue wholeness: the abundant life with which he has blessed us!
Resources
Soul Keeping by John Ortberg
The Cycle of Grace by Trevor Hudson and Jerry Haas
Understanding and Coping with Traumatic Stress by Lisa McKay
This is a workbook style pdf document from a training module put out by the Headington Institute for humanitarian workers. There is excellent material on cultural stressors, evaluating your own well-being and combating stress and burnout.
